Friday, September 25, 2009

Lullaby, and Goodnight...

When I was a little girl, my mom used to sing Brahms’ Lullaby to help put me to sleep. Sometimes she’d sing the words, sometimes she would just hum, and I remember being curled up against her and feeling the vibrations in her chest as she’d rock me and sing. It was probably the most comforting feeling I’ve ever known.

Oh, how I could use that now. I have not been sleeping well this summer. Some nights, it’s too noisy. Some nights, it’s too hot and stuffy. Some nights, it’s too cold and clammy. I wake up at least three times most nights. If I’m lucky, I can calm myself back to sleep. If not, I don’t fight it – that just makes it worse. That’s when I put the light on, and do some knitting, or work a puzzle, or read until I feel drowsy. Unfortunately, that doesn’t usually occur until it’s almost time to get up. This week, in addition to the all the above, I’ve been having nightmares. Not just bad dreams, NIGHTMARES. All-out, Technicolor, terror-filled, traumatizing nightmares. And not just one. Multiples: three on Wednesday, three on Thursday. There were several earlier in the week, but luckily I can’t remember them. In addition to the psychological messages prevalent in these dreams (anxiety, fear, etc.), there are vivid images to rival any horror movie: an inferno of trees engulfed in flames, and dead kittens crawling with maggots, to name a few.

WHY? What did I do to deserve a subconscious like this? Was it something I ate? Drank? Didn’t drink? Didn’t do? Life is stressful enough just now, thank you very much. I don’t need be run ragged while I’m unconscious. Sleep should be a period of rest and renewal. It’s been ages since I’ve awoke in the morning refreshed, and got out of bed without feeling tired and uncomfortable.

I blame it partly on the weather. It was such a mild summer, but the nights weren’t always “good sleeping weather”. Now it’s the end of September, and we’ve been in the grip of extreme humidity, and temperatures above average. I’m hoping this weekend that will finally change.

I don’t know. Now that the weekend is here, I hope I can relax, both while awake, and especially while asleep. I can't remember the last time I had a good dream. Maybe what I need to do, is get the rocking chair in these photos back from my brother. Maybe that’s the key to a good sleep. Sure looks like it…

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes I have found it helpful to figure out what awful nightmare images represent to me. For instance when cramming a 3 credit course into a week's time, I kept seeing fire. When I realized that fire represented my fear of being totally overwhelmed...and that that IS how I felt at the time...the images stopped. I have helped people figure out their dreams and would be willing to try that if you ever want to discuss them. Doesn't always work but... Cousin D